


Broken

by Jenniwrites



Category: How to Train Your Dragon (Movies)
Genre: F/M, Infertility, Menstration
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-01
Updated: 2016-08-01
Packaged: 2018-07-28 18:45:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7652599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jenniwrites/pseuds/Jenniwrites
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hiccup and Astrid have been married for three years and Astrid fears that maybe she can't get pregnant.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Broken

Astrid broke as she pulled the stained blankets off the wool bed that served as a mattress over the hard wooden planked bed she shared with Hiccup for three years now.

It was a wedding gift from her mother.

She wiped her tears away from her cheeks with the back of her hand as she scrubbed at the red stains with the other.

Conceding defeat, she flipped the mattress over and covered it with a clean sheet. Its wool shrunk enough over time that it no longer quite fit and she moved from one side of the bed to the other in an attempt to straighten it.

“Ugh!” Astrid groaned and dropped on the bed where she let herself cry.

 

Astrid had to admit, the first year of her marriage, she welcomed the flow of her moons blood. While she was enjoying being Hiccup’s wife, she was not quite ready for motherhood. She enjoyed the freedom of early morning flights on Stormfly, patrolling Berk and training with the A team, and helping Hiccup with the day to day responsibilities of chiefdom too much.

There was a time wasn’t sure she was meant for motherhood.

Now she wasn’t sure she would ever find out.

She could not pin point when exactly her desires changed.

Perhaps, it was the realization that women much younger than she had already made their families? Maybe it was biology? Something inside her started to smile and coo at the sight of baby anything. But could it be her biology, if something inside her seemed to be utterly broken?

Plus, Astrid was not deaf to the murmurings of her people.

She was expected to give Hiccup an heir and she fully expected to do that, in her own time. But now that the time seemed right, it wasn’t happening.

Astrid didn’t fail at anything. How could she fail at this?

She hated the way people, particularly Valka, had started to look at her with pity when parents would bring their new infants to Hiccup to be named.

If a child of their own did not happen soon, Hiccup would be encouraged to take another wife and Astrid was not sure she could handle that.

What made everything worse, was that Astrid thought this time was it. She was late. Almost by a whole moon. She hadn’t told anyone. Her secret felt like buying the perfect birthday gift and the wait for the party. It was overwhelming but it brought her joy. She thought Hiccup might have known, but he didn’t say anything either. Perhaps out of fear that it was too good to be true.

And it was. It flipping was. And it was heartbreaking.

Though cramps turned and twisted her insides, causing Astrid to knead her abdomen with her fists, the physical pain could not be measured against her anguish.

She growled a primal growl and her shoulders heaved with each sob.

“Astrid?”

Astrid wiped her eyes before turning to her husband.

“It’s nothing, Hiccup. I’m fine. I’ll catch up with you later, ok?”

Astrid stood up and tugged on the tunic she was wearing in an attempt to pull herself together.

Hiccup’s eyes burned into her, heavy with concern.

“Are you sick?”

His words, unintentionally reminded her of how every time she paled, yawned or sneezed someone would say, “Oh, you’re sick? Maybe you have a little one on the way,” like they were in on some sort of secret.

She open and closed her fists. The lump in her throat tightened and threatened to spill her tears again so she turned away from him.

She heard the stomp, clink, stomp, clink of his footsteps and felt a kind hand on her shoulder.

“Astrid, talk to me.”

Astrid turned her head to look at him and her face crumbled like paper.

“I’m sorry, Hiccup,” she cried.

Hiccup pulled her into his arms.

“What do you possibly have to be sorry for?”

“It’s been almost three years, Hiccup.”

“And,”

“What if I’m broken?

With both hands on her fore arms, Hiccup leaned in to make her look him in the eyes.

“You are not broken.”

“But what if I am? What if I can’t…I can’t…”

“You are Astrid Hofferson Horrendous Haddock. You can do anything.”

“Except give you a child, apparently.” Astrid shrugged her arms to shake off his touch. “It came again. My moon time. I thought this time maybe we made a baby, but I guess we didn’t. My hopes were high, but I’m not pregnant and I don’t know if I’ll ever be. It seems I’m broken, I’m so sorry.”

Hiccup sat down on the bed and looked at his knees for a moment.

Astrid stood before him and closed her eyes as if that could hold the tears at bay.

“Maybe it’s me. Maybe I’m broken,” Hiccup considered.

An awkward silence fell between them.

“There is one way to find out,” Astrid squeaked with trembling reservation.  

She felt Hiccup reach for her and he pulled her onto the bed with him. Without words he cradled her in his arms in a spoon.

Astrid sobbed and Hiccup squeezed her tight and she could tell by the waves of his thin frame against her back that he was crying too.

And they stayed that way, grieving as they imagined different scenarios, until the storm inside each of them calmed.

Astrid rolled over to face him and absent mindedly twisted the draw strings of his tunic.

Hiccup brushed her bangs behind her ears and ran a calloused thumb against her tear stained cheek.

“What are we going to do Hiccup? Do you think it is time to make a plan?” Astrid looked grave. Could she sleep with someone else? Could she bear Hiccup doing the same? Could she raise some other woman’s child? Or would Hiccup cast her aside as he fell in love with this hypothetical woman who could give Hiccup what she could not?

“Plan? No, Astrid. I don’t have a plan for this. Astrid I love you and I only want to be with you. And while I have many strengths, I have to admit, I was never very good at sharing.”

Astrid remembered the skinny little sass bucket that was Hiccup as a child. It only doubled her need to see what type of person their love could make.

“But Berk needs an heir.”

“And Berk will have an heir. We will go see Gothi. We will try harder and may Frigg and Freya bless us.  And if the god’s forbid a child of my blood, I’ll think of something but not just yet. But know for now and always, you are all the family I need.”

Astrid snuggled her face into his neck and hoped to Odin his words were true.

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
